True story.

September 21, 2018

Friend: How are things going?

 

V: They're going. We are happy and figuring out our new normal. Working my blog and Stella & Dot for my emotional, mental and financial health. We're good. House is calmer and happier and brighter. It is hard. So hard. But good.

 

Friend: Over a year now?

 

V: Yah. I can't believe it. Not all days are better but, mostly, yes. I think the darkest is over and we are starting to see the sun. He? Maybe not so much.

 

Foolish friend: Yeah. He didn't really think this through. But, you knew, right? Even though you didn't have proof, you knew it was happening and stayed?

 

V: ??

 

Fool: Like it was happening for a while, right? And you knew it but didn't want to? So you didn't look?

 

V: Ummm, no. I saw the inappropriate friendship happening pretty immediately. Chose to work on our marriage for months after. Found more evidence. No longer a friendship. Tried still to save our marriage and family. Found more evidence. REALLY no longer just a friendship. Decided to get the eff out and save my family when I realized that promises were empty and I couldn't spend the next 40 years with a pit in my stomach every time I saw him on his phone. I didn't stick my head in the sand. That's not how I do.

 

Fool: Right. Sorry.

 

V: (I think that when you're gut tells you to look, you already know.)

My time is finite. My alone time even much more so. I am pretty strict when it comes to how I spend it now. Dating? Meh. I'd rather hang out with my girlfriends. Movie? Sometimes. But a lot of times, I nap and sit in a quiet house and putter. My energy is limited. I don't get refills as often as I would like. So I have become much pickier about who I spend my free time with. It started as a necessity but, actually, my life is becoming far richer because of this habit.

 

I've lost friends. It happens. It wasn't a surprise. To lose people. Though some of the losses were unexpected, jarring and hurtful. But that is on them, not me. Maybe people don't know what to say. Maybe they're worried about catching it. haha. Who knows? Everyone is fighting their own battles. But if you don't know what to say? Say - I don't know what to say so let's just sit here and hang out. Or maybe - I am sorry, I am sure this is not what you wanted but what you had to do. Or maybe even nothing. Say nothing. Nothing would have been far better than this.

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