Sweet P has been sick since the day before Mother's Day. That would have been Saturday, May 11th. For anyone who doesn't remember. Which was approximately eleventy billion days ago.
At one point she had a double ear infection, pink eye and pneumonia (maybe). The upshot of the maybe pneumonia was that she did not need eye drops for the pink eye. Getting them into her brothers was hellish enough. I was playing the glad game.
But here we are, three plus weeks out and the little one is still not well. The cough is still present. She has lost, possibly, three pounds of her little body. Which is a lot when you think she only weighed 20 at the start. I swear if she wasn't willing to nurse, she would have been in the er for fluids. Her appetite has just come back in the last couple of days. I mean, when you are sleeping 18 hours a day, you don't really have time to eat.
The other thing that is still not entirely well, is me. Yesterday was the first day that I felt good. Not like I wasn't dying or I was feeling ok or I was feeling almost human. I felt good. And not upright solely in thanks to tylenol cold and cough medicine around the clock. It's been a long road.
Because, you know who a baby wants when they don't feel well? The momma. You know who a baby needs to sleep next to when they don't feel well? The momma. You know who the fiery barnacle clings to when you have a fever and medicine doesn't help? The momma. And it doesn't matter if the momma isn't well. You know who used up all the "momma" calls that she might have had? The baby.
My heart breaks for how unwell she was. And still is. I love her. With all that I have. But the way she has used me these past few weeks, when I was also dying for most of them myself, leaves little left. Like, I will give you all I have but it won't be enough. I am used up. So, little one, sleep. Please. Through the night. In your bed. During nap time. For more than an hour. You are tired. So, so tired. And call someone else because, Sweet P, I love you more than words can say but Mommmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaa needs a break.