Tomorrow is my birthday. It's always a good day to take stock and set some goals. These past few birthdays have been powerful.
40: Thought I had cancer. Was pissed. Nope pregnant.
41: Beginning of my single parenting journey and infidelity discovery. I was bewildered and shocked and hopeful. It's a blur.
42: Full on into single parenting. Working - on myself, our home, on making money. Werk werk werk werk werk. I was in a groove but still...unsettled. Also a blur.
43: Reconciled and working. On myself, my relationship, our home, our family, making money. WERK WERK WERK. Not really sure how that's gonna go. Clear? Blur? I'll let you know.
But I clearly don't have an issue with working hard. That is a familiar place. Even if some other parts are still new. Ish.
These last years have been a season of tremendous growth moments. Some glorious. Light and laughter-filled. With a nostalgic feeling of coming home. Others took place lying on the floor. Tear-stained, depleted and praying for that next breath. Both instrumental. One was certainly more fun.
So bring on 43. I am not as thankful to close the door on 42 as I have been some other recent years. I am content with it though. Closing the door and starting a new chapter/year. In some ways this year has more mystery and unknowns than some previous years. Usually a place that causes me angst and anxiety and the need to plan, organize, clean, purge, journal, list, set goals, etc. Some of that is happening. But not to my usual degree. I seem to be content with working hard and allowing the journey to unfold as it will. You can't control it. You can't wish it different. Successfully, anyway. Impatience doesn't make it get here any faster. To have learned that. To KNOW that. That I am proud of myself for realizing. Even on the days that I forget.
I intend on enjoying the ride. With my head up. Taking in all that is around me. My friends, my family, the birds in my bird feeder, the rainy days that sound like perfection. In a way I am starting over. We do with every birthday. But I am not really starting from scratch. I am starting from experience. Nailed it. Happy 43 to me!!